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Many of my conversations with leaders right now look something like this:
- How can we talk about XYZ without sounding “political?”
- I’m worried about the well-being of our people.
- And when I see people out and about, I ask how they are. The response is usually not OK.
Today: What to do about the elephant in the room.
In 1814, Ivan Krylov wrote The Inquisitive Man, which tells the story of a man who visited a museum and noticed many things but not the elephant. From this story, an idiom was born. The elephant has come to represent obvious ideas or problems that we don’t want to recognize or privilege with discussion.
What is that for you right now? What is hard to talk about? Easy to avoid? Yet apparent to everyone, or at least on their minds?
Humans have a fundamental need to be seen and heard. When this need is not met, it creates tension. Maybe we can’t articulate that tension because we aren’t aware of it (but check into it next time you sense it). When someone frustrates you or does something that makes you feel disrespected (such as being late to a meeting or missing it altogether), your underlying tension is about not being seen.
That tension dissipates when the other person acknowledges the “offending action” because it is less about the offending act and more about the feeling of not being seen.
Let’s apply this to our storytelling skills.
In 2009, the decision to award President Obama the Nobel Peace Prize was controversial. He had been president for less than a year, and the United States was engaged in two wars (Iraq and Afghanistan). In fact, days before his speech, he had ordered 30,000 American troops to Afghanistan.
That’s a big elephant.
It happens to all of us. There is something we know that is out there – a perception. Misinformation. Truths. Elephants are wandering around our midst and we, as leaders, are grappling with what to do because we think if we shine a light, people who didn’t see the elephant will now see it. So sometimes (we think) it’s better if you’ll pardon the zoo-like environment I’m creating, to play the ostrich and put our heads in the sand, thinking no one will notice.
Or, you could address the elephant. Let’s look at how Obama did in his speech.
I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge the considerable controversy that your generous decision has generated. (Laughter.) In part, this is because I am at the beginning, and not the end, of my labors on the world stage. Compared to some of the giants of history who’ve received this prize — Schweitzer and King; Marshall and Mandela — my accomplishments are slight. And then there are the men and women around the world who have been jailed and beaten in the pursuit of justice;
… I cannot argue with those who find these men and women — some known, some obscure to all but those they help — to be far more deserving of this honor than I.
But perhaps the most profound issue surrounding my receipt of this prize is the fact that I am the Commander-in-Chief of the military of a nation in the midst of two wars.
…And so I come here with an acute sense of the costs of armed conflict — filled with difficult questions about the relationship between war and peace, and our effort to replace one with the other. (Full transcript here)
When you know what people are thinking and articulate it, they feel seen and heard. Their minds resolve themselves internally. You, the leader, come across as clear-eyed about your actions and in tune with the environment.
You don’t even have to have the answers. Obama didn’t. He is “filled with questions about the relationship between war and peace.” That’s because two things can be true at the same time. And even if they don’t reconcile, they should be acknowledged.
Ignore the elephant at your peril. We hear a story in your silence.
PS. I’ve made more time for my one-on-one mentoring program, Powerful Presenters. If you struggle to strike a balance in your communications, communicate through uncertainty and chaos, or convey ideas without being “political,” I can help. Message me and let’s schedule a quick call.
And, I’m excited to join 501 Commons to host a webcast for nonprofit leaders on the power of story on April 2nd, from noon to 1:30 PT. It’s free of charge and you can register here.
Take care out there.
WHEN YOU’RE READY, HERE ARE SOME WAYS I CAN SUPPORT YOU AND YOUR TEAM.
See a video showcasing my work here and if you need help with one of the items below, let’s schedule a time to talk.
One-to-one – Powerful Presenters mentoring: Want to transform complex ideas into unforgettable messages? We’ll work together to prepare you for your next presentation.
Your Team – Power of Story workshop: I teach leaders of all capabilities how to engage authentically with their teams, community, and stakeholders to create meaningful connections that build trust, increase team engagement, and lead to better fundraising and revenue generation.
Your off-site or next event: Lead With Story keynote: My keynote is often used as a moment of connection to open events and get the creative juices flowing.
Retreat: Pause in Provence: In late September 2026 I’ll be co-hosting a five-night retreat in the south of France with strategic thinker Rebecca Sutherns. Hit pause on your busy life, slow down, and focus on reimagining the next chapter of your story. More details to come, but if you’d like to be the first to learn more about this experience, join the waitlist.
Need something else you think I can help with? I’d love to connect.
Stay in touch.
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