In a podcast interview last week, I was asked how parents can help their children build their stories to become their best selves.
I’m not a parent (although I am a stepmother but didn’t come into her life until later), so I didn’t feel qualified to answer the question.
But I was a kid, so I could be qualified to answer from that perspective.
The stories we are told at a young age have a huge impact on us. They shape our worldviews and beliefs (the stories we tell ourselves).
That puts a lot of pressure on parents. What you’re telling me is that everything I (as a parent) say and do will impact this human being and how they show up in the world as an adult? Big responsibility.
I think about my Dad, who would have been 80 on the day I’m writing this, and therefore, I’m thinking about him a lot. It’s been almost four years since I got to talk to him last. In fact, my very last words to him before saying “I love you, goodbye” were: Do you realize the influence you’ve had on my life?
Maybe he didn’t. He was a busy man running a business and working hard to create a lifestyle for our family, which meant he dealt with a lot of stress and distractions and wasn’t always present when I was a kid. Like, he’d be there, but he wasn’t there there. I noticed that even as a child.
So, while the influence I was talking about was mostly positive, there was also some stuff I carried with me – stories I told myself as a kid when he, with the best of intentions and doing the best he could do, wasn’t paying attention to me.
And I built a story about that. It’s one I’ve been rewriting for years: that what I have to say does matter.
Let’s assume the best intentions, and I believe many absolutely come from the best intentions. The stories we create aren’t the fault of our parents. Life is hard and everyone is doing the best they can.
Having said that, I want to answer that question posed to me now that I’ve had more time to contemplate beyond the adrenaline-fueled environment of the hot seat of a live podcast recording:
How parents can help their children build their stories to become their best selves.
One of the most important ways is to show them we have agency over our stories. Humans are less than perfect, and how can we foster an environment where children see beyond themselves and that life isn’t happening to them?
Secondly, what experiences can you deliver that help them form positive stories of empowerment?
By the way, leaders, I hope you are paying attention because this applies not only to families but to the workplace, too.
It’s not always the stories you tell. It’s the actions you take that inform the stories others create.
When I asked my dad in our last conversation if he realized his influence on my life, I thought about the adventures he took us on as kids, even though I complained vehemently about them because they always involved some kind of suffering, like paddling a canoe UGH! That “builds character,” right? Thanks to those adventures, I discovered a world outside my familiar world. I realized I could go anywhere and do whatever I wanted. And it’s what drove me to create the life I have today.
So, there was a story of empowerment, whether intentional or not.
What it comes down to is taking agency of our stories, writing them to work for us, and not putting the responsibility on our parents, our leaders, or anyone else for that matter.
And, as a leader, we should have some awareness around the experience we deliver to our teams and our customers so we are empowering positive stories.
Take care out there.
PS: Relevant addition: Over the weekend, a video clip of Taylor Swift, my obsession, appeared in my newsfeed. In a speech on April 3, 2016, after winning multiple honors at the iHeartRadio Music Awards, she said:
“… my most vivid memory of growing up is my mom and dad telling me that I was different and unique and special and that I could do whatever I wanted with my life,” she said. “So, parents, tell your kids every day that they’re different, they’re unique, they can do whatever they want with their lives.” (Source)
PPS – here is a podcast interview (unrelated to the one I mentioned in this article) with Ashutosh Garg of The Brand Called You about storytelling in the workplace. Enjoy!
SOME WAYS I MAY BE ABLE TO HELP YOU AND YOUR TEAM:
LEAD YOUR WAY: This mentoring/coaching program is designed to help you step into your leadership and show up as your best self so you can communicate to connect and amplify your impact.
COMMUNICATE TO CONNECT: In my storytelling workshops, I teach leaders of all capabilities how to engage authentically with their teams, community, and stakeholders to create meaningful connections that build trust, increase team engagement and lead to better fundraising and revenue generation.
Did you have something else in mind? Let’s talk and see how I might be able to help. Contact me and we’ll schedule a chat.
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