I inherited my Gramma Jean’s pink crocs last month. They’re big shoes to fill but I intend to serve her well.
I actually never think about my legacy but today, my Grandmother would have turned 90 and I’ve been thinking a lot about hers and subsequently my own.
As I sat through her funeral service, a few things ran through my head:
1. Man, I hope everyone has as much fun at my funeral (my Aunt Heidi said “We do shrimp and champagne for Mother’s funeral, not eggs and Manischewitz*), and
2. Wow! I’d like to be remembered in similar ways.
The Rabbi’s opening went like this:
Rare is the Octogenarian who can be eulogized and remembered for being a Deadhead. Rarer still is the soul who lived life so fully, so openly, so comfortably that she allowed herself to become a fan of the Grateful Dead and experience the trappings of life not just of her own generation but of other generations as well.
Jean Gerber was that rare breed who accomplished all of these things and more. Jean’s thirst for life was unquenchable, her passion unbounded, her willingness to live and explore and enjoy unbridled.
Not a bad life re-cap if I may say so. And every word of it is true.
I sat there in the second row thinking long and hard about all the words everyone shared and felt like a part of her lives on in me (as I’m sure others in the family felt as well.)
One of the best ways we can honor someone is by carrying forth in their shoes and here is my pledge:
Always be up for adventure.
Gramma Jean was always game. I can’t remember a time she let fear or worry hold her back even in the little things from getting her hair beaded in the British Virgin Islands, to smoking pot with us when we were in college, to riding the chairlift up to the summit of Schweitzer Mountain in her 80s.
I learned saying yes to adventure opens up doors and experiences to living life fully.
Withhold judgement; instead, be curious.
She loved hanging out with people of all generations. When we visited her in Palm Beach, she would sometimes complain about all the “old people” so we’d hop in her Le Baron convertible and head to the beach. She didn’t judge the music or the trends – she wanted to know all about it. What’s cool? Who’s this band on the radio? While many generations have a hard time accepting others’, her curiosity kept her open-minded and young at heart.
It helps me to be more accepting of those who aren’t like me.
Don’t hate.
I hated chocolate growing up and Gramma Jean didn’t like it either so we always we had this special bond. But I’d say, “No thanks, I hate chocolate.” and she’d correct me: “I choose not to eat chocolate.”
There’s no need to hate.
Always be elegante.
(Pronounced elegantay, of course.) We all wore flowers in our hair at the ceremony because Gramma Jean always believed in looking elegante no matter what. She always had her jewelry and bracelets up to her elbows and flowers in her hair.
Condiment containers were never allowed on the table but ALWAYS served in small dishes. Orange juice was always fresh-squeezed and served in stemware, of course.
Sure, I might get caught in the grocery store with long underwear for leggings, but I always try to look the part. When I had the entry level concierge position years ago and I was vying for the marketing manager job, I dressed for that marketing job (and I got it!).
Everything is WONderful.
(Pronounced with a long emphasis on WUNNNNderful.) Life wasn’t always easy for my Grandmother; not by a long shot. She lost her husband at a relatively young age and she had trouble with her vision to name just a few things.
Maybe it’s because I was her Granddaughter but I never saw her sad or upset. Everything was always WUNderful. She called me Lisa Berber and signed my cards with WOW! Happy Birthday, I love you. Don’t forget.
This reminds me of Kamal Ravikant’s book, Love Yourself As If Your Life Depends on It. (check out the Srinivas Rao’s interview with him.) If you create a loop, it begins to form a groove. If you keep saying everything is WUNderful, it really is wunderful.
How do you wish to be remembered?
*The Meal of Condolence at Jewish funerals would serve eggs. And of course, the wine would be Kosher. But Gramma Jean didn’t care too much for convention.
[ssba]
Truly, I love this post. She sounds like she was an incredible woman and grandmother. So WUNderful that you’ll have these memories to hold.
Hi Wendy! So fun to see you here. 🙂 Thank you. She was a lot of fun and a great inspiration.
Oh Lisa I loved this post! And the photo of your grandmother is awesome. She sounds like she was a very smart lady, and no doubt you’ve inherited that and much more from her.
A long time ago I started a habit – quite without forethought – whenever anyone asks me how I’m doing, I always reply “Fabulous!”…..even when I’m not…..because as far as I’m concerned, any day that I wake up and I’m not dead is a gift, and I think that really is fabulous. Plus it just brightens my mood, no matter what my mood is.
So I think if you can share one lesson from her with the people you care about, her WONderful attitude is a great one to share. As for me, I’m going to make an effort to be more elegante. 🙂
You are so elegante, Trisha. 🙂 But you make a great point. And you might really enjoy Kamal’s book I link to above. The more and more you say, it the more it becomes truth. He would tell himself over and over, even when he didn’t believe it, that he loves himself. An interesting read.
…..lisa!……what a wonderful, loving, and spot-on tribute to your “one-of-a-kind” grandmother!……..i am very happy you learned, (inherited, perhaps?) all of her remarkable qualities………she left a permanent impression on me too, and i treasure having been one of her “pupils”…………….tommy allen/nyc
Hi Tommy!!! That’s so fun to see you. You know, I have this great photo of her from last Fall. I walked into her room in Menorah Park and she was asleep in the wheel chair, alone, decked out in her Flash Cubes outfit with the pink crocs. While it was sad to see her like that (in the wheelchair, etc.), I had to laugh. She did it up all the way to the end. 🙂
Seriously? Awesome post! I loved it.
So serious!! LOL. Thanks man! Love you for saying that. (and for many other reasons too.)
I really and truly love this post. She was important to you and it shows.
Hi Jason. And thank you.
Lovely tribute, it really captures the essence of Jean 🙂
Thanks, Ann!
Sorry for your loss. It is a lovely tribute, elegante reminds me of my grandfather who told me that when he died he wanted at least two dinners during Shiva to be 5 star meals.
Hi Josh! That’s a fun wish! And so thoughtful. Love it.
I read this and I thought, “WOW … that’s a Lady I would’ve really liked to have met.” And then I thought, “Huh. Lisa is a lot like this already.” So maybe I did meet Gramma Jean, but shining through you. You’re both amazing, amazing women. Thank you for sharing 🙂
Ohhh, that’s such a sweet comment. Some of those thoughts crossed my mind. She definitely lives on in all of us – her kids, grandkids, great-grandkids. 🙂
WUNNNNNNNderful post. Your gramma’s my kinda gal. Wear those crocs with pride, sass and spirit. Cheers! Kaarina
I will! I will! 🙂
Hey Gerberlicious – you’re the bombshizzle. This post brought a smile to my face, just like you usually do. Waving “hi” from the hinterlands and grand plains of Iowa’s suburbs.
You just called me Gerbalicious. That’s somewhat awesome.! Hope you’re surviving the tundra! And thank you. I wish we could go to India House.
I think someone just found a new nick-name. 😉
Elegantly presented, Lisa. That was one cool grandma.
Just being elegante. Thanks, Bob. 🙂
She sounds like a wonderful lady. And it makes sense that you are one, too. Thanks for sharing this memory.
I’m pretty judgmental. She was far more accepting. But we always need something to shoot for, don’t we?
And when we are judgmental, we are our own worst critic. You’ve made a decent impact on me, and have helped me with things unintentionally from afar. Be kind to yourself today 😉
I am SO glad to have gotten to know Gramma Jean a little through your post. It sounds like you are your grandmother’s daughter! My heart is very full right now. This post was an absolute gift. Thank you so much. xoxox
You don’t think about someone like that, from a holistic standpoint every day. I don’t tend to sum people up in a paragraph or two, so it really changed my thinking. And it made me realize how much we do carry the ones we love inside us, right? Thanks, Shonali. 🙂