Not Today, Becky: (Naming and) Aligning Our Thoughts

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 “Where there is no thought, there is no problem.” – Byron Katie, Loving What Is

My client is launching an exciting practice, one that the world genuinely needs. And, on our call this week, she confessed to avoiding a critical task that would move everything forward. Why? Not because she lacks time or money, but because, as she put it, “then it will be real.”

I wasn’t expecting that from her, and at the same time, I felt it deeply. Let’s just say I had a moment there. I knew it was a good time to talk about something many label as “impostor syndrome.” I prefer to call it self-doubt or fear of uncertainty. I prepared my response while a voice in my head said: Who are you to have this conversation? (see what I did there?)

And I guess that is the point. That feeling of being out of our depth, not worthy, or about to be found out for not knowing what the heck we’re doing is not a unique struggle. Most of us experience it, and many don’t admit it, but we’re all just winging it to some degree. I think it’s helpful to know we’re not alone.

Even Mike Cannon-Brookes, CEO of Atlassian, openly talks about it in his TedX Talk from 2017. He discusses how impostor syndrome, when managed effectively, can actually make us better.

He says, “One of the attributes of the most successful relationships is when both partners feel like they are out of their league.” That can be a positive because it makes them both better in the relationship. Likewise, in our work, our relationship with imposter syndrome might benefit from a rewrite in our heads because it can do the same for us. 

Meet Your Internal Cast of Characters

I’ve been learning about Internal Family Systems (IFS), developed by Richard C. Schwartz in the 1980s. The basic idea is that we’re all made up of different “parts”—often younger versions of ourselves that experienced something and got frozen in time as a protective response.

When that feeling of ‘uh-oh, am I up for this?’ kicks in, it’s usually one of these younger parts taking the driver’s seat—specifically, the part that learned somewhere along the way that you aren’t good enough. But here’s the plot twist: it’s not actually you.

Your true Self (with a capital S) comprises what IFS calls the 8 Cs: Compassionate, calm, confident, creative, courageous, clear, connected, and curious. That’s the real you underneath all the noise. (Sounds lovely, doesn’t it?)

Not Today, Becky.

If we were to maintain this line of thinking with our cast of characters in our brain, we could take a page from Faye Plunkett-Peirce, who, on Instagram, suggested we name our brain. (You could just name the part.) If you called it Becky, you could say something like, Becky, I love you, but not today. We cannot deal with this today. 

This makes me want to come up with my own name for my intrusive thoughts, but I can’t think of anything better than Becky. I’m curious: What would you name yours?

The Real Story

My real point in channeling both Mike Cannon-Brookes’ idea of how imposter syndrome makes us better, and the tenets in Richard Schwartz’s IFS, is that we can treat this thought when it comes up as just that: a thought, not us. And we can be kind to it and wonder how it can make us better at the very thing we just got a pang about not being able to do.

Because it won’t go away, we just need to rewrite the story. A story that these thoughts prove that we’re human, doing something that matters and is a little scary, and c’mon, Becky, let’s get on with it!

Marianne Williamson asked it perfectly: “Who are you not to tell your story?”

Take care out there.

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WHEN YOU’RE READY, HERE ARE SOME WAYS I CAN SUPPORT YOU AND YOUR TEAM.

See a video showcasing my work here and if you need help with one of the items below, let’s schedule a time to talk.

One-to-one – Powerful Presenters mentoring: Want to transform complex ideas into unforgettable messages? We’ll work together to prepare you for your next presentation.

Your Team – Power of Story workshop:  I teach leaders of all capabilities how to engage authentically with their teams, community, and stakeholders to create meaningful connections that build trust, increase team engagement, and lead to better fundraising and revenue generation.

Your off-site or next event: Lead With Story keynote: My keynote is often used as a moment of connection to open events and get the creative juices flowing. 

Need something else you think I can help with? I’d love to connect.

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